Signs of a Problem
“Detachment during sex, avoidance of sex and in some cases repeated requests to use porn with sex” are typical signs, according to Michael Taylor, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Louisville, Kentucky. According to Taylor, excessive private use of computers and other electronics is another red-flag. Janie Lacy, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and Certified Addiction Specialist in Orlando, Florida also becomes concerned when a spouse has a “loss of interest in the sexual relationship or, the other extreme of an insatiable sexual craving. There may also be pressure to try new or unusual sexual acts that were not previously discussed or practiced in the relationship.”
A wife may think, “How can he say he loves me and look at this smut?” Looking at a pretty woman doesn’t mean a man doesn’t enjoy making love to his wife. It is an entirely different part of their lives that is separate from their marriage.
Some sexual experts believe a sexual relationship can be enhanced when imagination is allowed to run free. In fact, sex therapists may recommend mutual porn watching to help with sexual desire problems or other sexual dysfunctions.Many believe if your sexual healthy intimacy with one another is not being replaced by your partner’s porn viewing, then it should not be an issue in your marriage.
Porn is a multi-billion dollar per year industry. It has to be visually exciting and instantly grab your attention to be successful. It’s entertainment performed by actors. Just as your marriage and family life is much different than a 30-minute sitcom, the same applies to your sex life. When we fill our minds with the false images of porn, we naturally take those expectations with us to the bedroom. This leads to disappointment for the husband and a wife with a wrecked self-esteem.
The Loss of Trust and Intimacy
Most, if not all, wives (if they are being honest), consider their husband viewing pornography as cheating. Another woman, even just her image, has been introduced into your relationship and she’s now having to compete with it. Continual viewing of porn will erode the trust built in your marriage until it is gone completely. Negative Thoughts Meanwhile, the ability to actually feel intimacy together will wear away at the exact same pace as the trust.
Signs of Low Sex
- You only have sex one or two times per month.
- Sex has become a chore.
- You only have sex when it has been previously scheduled.
- You don’t feel intimate after making love.
- Sexual fantasies about your spouse are non-existent.
- It seems that you are the only one who wants to have sex because your spouse doesn’t show any interest in sexual intimacy at all.
- There is no sense of adventure or spontaneity in your lovemaking with your mate.
- Neither of you are very frisky in the bedroom anymore Hormones.
- Your spouse is more interested in the computer or what’s on the television than in making love with you.
- Your mate is involved with pornography.
Creates Shame and Emptiness
A husband addicted to porn will justify his actions to himself. He’ll find blame to place on his wife or his life but what he’s really trying to cover up is the shame he’s feeling. The best way to explain this is to imagine the best sex ever had with your wife and the euphoria that accompanied it afterward. Porn has no chance of ever producing that feeling. It’s not real and it leaves only shame and emptiness after the fact.
Should You View Porn With Your Partner to Please Them?
This is not a case of, “If you can’t beat them, join them.” That does not work to solve this issue. Wives who regularly view porn with their husbands because they believe it will make their husbands happy will suffer negative consequences your body. They generally feel “sadness, betrayal, rejection, resentment, distrusting, used, not good enough,” according to Lacy. She cautions that this should not become a repetitive habit in the marriage. Taylor sees in his practice that women are often willing to “spice up” the relationship but do not want to use porn as a “simplistic substitute.” He thinks that “experimenting” is understandable, but where there is potential for addiction, “pleasing can reinforce or excuse avoidant or abusive dynamics.”
I know men who are ruining their lives, marriages, and finances paying for prostitution and voyeurism; looking at porn at work and getting caught and fired; spending money needed for bills on porn; and needing ever-riskier behavior to match the initial high, and being unable to stop. For those suffering addiction, the thrill of orgasm has long since faded against the oppressive reality that their lives are sinking and unmanageable.